HOME

Home.
Such a small four-letter word, but meaning oh so much more at this stage in my life.

I never called Wisconsin my home. I was born and raised in Minnesota, so a Minnesota girl I was always going to be. If I had to live in Wisconsin I'd do it with part of my heart one state away.

And then there was that moment when my home was taken away.
Oh, the building was still standing and the yard was still in tact. The rooms were waiting to be occupied.
When we had to say bye to our home 5 months ago we didn't know how long we would be gone. We assumed a month, thought it may be more. But never dreamed that it would be 5 months away.
I came home one time in those 5 months just for a short weekend (to change out my winter clothes that I had in my suitcase for summer ones). That weekend I got a taste of just what I was missing.
I sat in my backyard by the fire and watched my boys play. I listened to the quite. I looked out on the rolling fields that surround our home. It was wonderful, peaceful.
Yet there was something missing. Someone missing. Our baby was still in the hospital, so I couldn't fully commit to being home. I couldn't enjoy it fully.
We went back to Milwaukee and lived our lives there. Always knowing that we'd be home someday, but never dreaming about our life when we did. Fear made it so that I wouldn't think too much on home. I was scared of caring for our new baby who just endured life-altering surgeries. Scared that the older boys would hold this time against us. Scared that I just wouldn't be able to do it. Scared that home wouldn't be the same and wouldn't be what I dared to dream that it could be.
That last fear came true.
Home has changed.
We are now a family of five. We have been so blessed to welcome Aaron into our home. It is like he has always been here.
Home is so much sweeter. The little things become so much more important. Like playing with my boys on the swing set instead of just having them go out by themselves. Like reading that book one more time. Like meal planning and cooking those meals.
I cannot even recall a time when Aaron wasn't part of our family. He just fits. And it's truly been amazing being home.
I never knew how much I would miss it until it was gone. I never knew how sweet it could be until I couldn't have it anymore.

Contentment, I have found, is not something that you can buy. It is found when you are truly thankful for what you have.

Home will never be the same. And I am so thankful for that.

Last Sunday my pastor asked if there was ever a time that you missed home. And of course, it being our first Sunday back I started crying. He then got to share all about Heaven. Our eternal home. I pray that now I will not become too focused on my earthly home that I get my focus off our Heavenly home. If this was so much sweeter to come home to, I cannot imagine what our eternal home is going to be. How sweet it will be there. How much it will just feel like we were always supposed to be there all together.

This is my home. It will never grace the pages of a magazine, or even be fancy enough to take pictures of the inside. It will never be as clean as it should be. It will never have every single thing in its place. But, it will be home. It will be a safe place. It will always have its doors open to company. It will always have love inside.

Northern Wisconsin will be my resting place. It's beautiful here, you really should come see it. (Seriously, any time. I love visitors! - Just maybe give me a 10 min warning so I'm not still in my pajamas. Hey, I've got three boys, what do you expect?!)