But God

I am TIRED.
I am WEAK.
I am WORN.


All day those words have been going through my head. I am told often how strong of a mom I am, but that's just not true. I am so beaten down it hurts. Living the last 3 (almost 4) months between a Ronald McDonald House and a hospital has officially taken its toll on me.

I know that my little heart baby needs all the diuretics that he is getting, but they make him need other supplements, and those supplements make him not want to eat, and that not eating makes us stay in the hospital. It's a horrible cycle that I am so ready to be done with.

Just yesterday I was preaching to a friend about this very thing...I told her all the right things: that God has a plan, that there is a reason that we are here, that this doesn't surprise him...

And yet, when I got to our hospital room this morning that all flew out of my mind. And the fears entered in. The fear of not having a "normal" life ever again. The fear that maybe down the road I will loose a son. The fear that my older two boys are going to come out of this ordeal scarred. The fear that I will not be able to handle three boys at home.

BUT GOD
(although it's hard, those words are so precious)

He is REST

  "He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable
   He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength."
        Isaiah 40:28b-29

He is STRENGTH

  "The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts and I am helped."
        Psalm 28:7a

He is NEW

  "And to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness"
        Ephesians 4:24

This journey has been so up and down. There are most days where I am just content to be in this situation, then there are days like today when I feel like I can't go on. I know there will be an end some day. I hope when that day comes I can say that I am more like Christ. That I have been changed into His likeness. That I am a stronger christian, wife, mom, friend, daughter, sister, woman.

I am a new person in Him and as His daughter I can claim all the rest and strength that He has for me each day.

Ending my day thinking on those things.