I have a newly formed dislike for the word "supposed".
What they said would happen:
The Norwood is SUPPOSED to be a very hard surgery.
After the Norwood your baby is SUPPOSED to have a long recovery.
Your baby is SUPPOSED to be able to go home between the Norwood and Glenn
The Glenn is SUPPOSED to be a very easy surgery.
After the Glenn your baby is SUPPOSED to have such an easy recovery.
Your baby is SUPPOSED to be so much better after the Glenn.
What really happened:
The Norwood was a very uneventful surgery, everything went well.
After the Norwood we were on the road to going home after 3 weeks.
We ended up staying the 3 months in the hospital between the Norwood and Glenn.
The Glenn was very long and so many things went wrong.
After the Glenn his chest was open for 3 days and he is having a harder time recovering.
He is in so much more pain now than after the Norwood.
What have I learned?
Man's ways are NOT God's ways.
We started this journey so excited because God was going to do great things! We were so excited to go home and have our family whole. We had this all planned out. But God, in His great mercy, had other plans for us.
So, has Aaron's life gone the way it was "supposed" to go?
ABSOLUTELY!
Even as I sit here listening to the beeping of his heart and watching the numbers on his machines, I know that his little life is going the exact way that it is "supposed" to go. He is living the life God planned for him. Doctors and nurses can tell us the way things are supposed to go, but it really doesn't matter. We have stopped asking about timelines, recovery statistics, and feeding patterns. We can get answers to all those things, but their answers don't always line up with God's will. And I was always taught growing up that God's will was the best place to be. Why would I want anything less for my baby?
I think I say this every blog, but having a head knowledge that God is in control is so much easier than actually trusting your life (or your baby's life) to His control. It is hard to not let circumstances dictate how I feel about God for that day. When Aaron has a bad day, I have a bad day. When Aaron is not doing well, then I usually don't do well. The days that he is better and doing what he is "supposed" to be doing are the easy days. Those are the days I trust God and thank Him for all He is doing. What about bad days makes God any less in control? He is the same. He is loving and caring and protecting my son every day, even the bad ones.
God has allowed us to do so many things that we would not have been able to do if this was not the way he planned Aaron's life to go. We have gotten to meet so many new friends along the way, we've gotten to learn things that we never expected to learn! (I know so much about the human heart and the way blood flows through your body and lungs...)
So, we are content. Content to leave Aaron in God's hands. Content to watch his little life go the way that it is supposed to go. And we are thankful that we have a God who cares, who has chosen us to be Aaron's family. Living our lives the way they are supposed to go.
